


Who Am I?

by hanaiku



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Finding the meaning of one's existence, M/M, That's why major character death, ghost - Freeform, kinda not finished but finished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanaiku/pseuds/hanaiku
Summary: Jaehyun forgot the most important thing. Himself.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun & Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34
Collections: jaedo digest: vol. 2





	Who Am I?

Jaehyun woke up early today, just like yesterday and the day before. Mrs. Jung said it was typical of him. He was always an early riser, she said with a smile. 

He smiled back at the time even though he had no idea if anything was true at all. It seemed polite to do so. 

"Jaehyun-ah." Mrs. Jung knocked at his bedroom door before opening it softly. Upon watching her, Jaehyun felt familiarity all of a sudden, it confused him. "Are you okay?" She asked as she noticed something was off with her son. 

"Yes," Jaehyun answered shortly, trying to show as little as possible. 

Mrs. Jung must had felt something, she wasn't fooled, Jaehyun could sense it. He wondered how she still managed to flash him a smile before nodded and walked away. 

Jaehyun intensely watched the closed door. Wishing anything that just happened could be changed. A soft sigh left his mouth as he saw in the corner of the room a familiar figure was watching him, looking amused.

+++

Jaehyun sat in the dining room as quietly as possible, he was being careful. As far as he knew the usual Jaehyun wasn't a loud person. 

The sounds from the kitchen stopped. Mrs. Jung turned her head to look at her son. 

"Are you going somewhere?" She asked, too friendly considering how awkward this morning was. Jaehyun wondered how much she had to beat herself to act as calm as possible. 

"I'm meeting Donghyun-sunbae today," He answered, as he held himself back from asking too much. Something in him despised it. 

"Ah, Detective Donghyun?" She asked, a hint of familiarity in her voice. Perhaps coming from how much they met each other at the hospital in the past months. "Tell him I said hello." 

"Sure," Jaehyun couldn't help but to wonder how much they knew each other. A growing jealousy emerged inside him. 

What even was a family when no memory of each other remained? A stranger like Donghyun would be better than Jaehyun.

+++

One step away became two and now became thousands. Those thousand steps that Jaehyun had counted probably supposed to be millions if he counted them from the beginning of his life. After all, Jaehyun was walking through the city where he spent his whole life in. Sadly, every road that should be his home only felt like a familiar stranger. 

After experiencing a horrible accident two years ago, Jaehyun lost most of his memories because of awful brain injury. It affected most of his abilities. They said there was a high possibility that it'd come back to normal eventually, he'd just have to wait without pressuring himself. 

Honestly, he just didn't care much about it but when people started reminding him how he used to be, it got hard to stay nonchalant. 

And so he tried and tried, hard even, to find out who Jung Jaehyun was. Hoping it'd led him to remember anything. Thankfully, he did remember a lot of things—names, faces, even voices. Although, sometimes he wondered if it was enough to correctly define one hundred percent of Jung Jaehyun. 

Maybe he solved small puzzles, but there were questions after questions left unanswered—with a big question waiting for its turn. _Would the real Jung Jaehyun ever come back?_

He wished he knew what to say.

As for now, the real Jung Jaehyun wasn't here yet. No matter how hard he tried to be him, hearing that name felt like hearing someone else's name.

Jaehyun continued to walk, letting his mind buried deep within unsolved puzzles. Amidst his confusion, a quiet shadow was following him.

+++

A wooden sign of NeoCafe hanging in front of Jaehyun was telling him that he was in the right place. He contemplated if it was a good idea to meet his senior before going back to work—only to realize he had no choice in the first place. He surrendered and pushed the door open. 

Jaehyun's eyes wandered for a while before meeting a pair of sparkling brown eyes. Without a warning, everything felt overwhelming. 

Similar pictures of cafes and brown eyes flooded his brain, puzzling and still incomprehensible to be grasped. A part of him was missing it. Everything seemed to be in the right place, but when the old memories stopped attacking him, Jaehyun still couldn't understand the feeling. 

He learned that he must have had blocked the way for a long time when someone behind him tapped on his back, asking politely to make a way. A small embarrassed laugh escaped him impulsively. He looked up to the same brown eyes, finding it was quite amused at him. 

"Ever so clumsy Jung Jaehyun," Donghyun said as a greeting when Jaehyun sat down in front of him. 

The atmosphere was so light and warm, Jaehyun couldn't bring himself to bring down the mood—even though his impulsive side screamed inside to ask for a confirmation if he were indeed that kind of person before. 

"Jaehyun-ah," Donghyun called him after a short silence. 

"Yes, Sunbaenim?" Jaehyun's response came almost immediately, as if he was trained to do so. Like a habit. 

Donghyun smiled watching him. Jaehyun could swear he sensed a decent amount of mischievousness from his senior. His body immediate response was fear. 

And then he heard a small chuckle from the vacant chair beside him—He tried not to look, it wasn't a good time to. 

Donghyun tapped Jaehyun's side of the table to gain his attention back. It helped Jaehyun's mind concentrate again, stopped from the small distraction. "Yes?" Jaehyun asked after he gathered himself. 

"You seemed lost." Donghyun nodded at him. Jaehyun saw how his eyes glanced to the empty seat beside Jaehyun briefly. 

"I was just remembering things," Jaehyun lied before Donghyun could think of anything else. 

Donghyun tensed up, he tried to mask it but Jaehyun was good enough at guessing. Especially when he was experienced at making people uncomfortable about his amnesia—and basically baited him. 

"I heard you are doing well already," Donghyun simply said as a response. 

Jaehyun wanted to laugh—maybe he did a little. But, Donghyun was definitely exaggerating. Getting better wasn't equal to doing well. "I guess, I do remember a lot with my parents help." 

"That's good. You're back to work next week, right?" Donghyun asked, hint of uncertainty in his voice. 

"Yes." Jaehyun smiled a little at himself. It was a bitter smile. "Do you think I shouldn't be?" 

"I am just worried," Donghyun sighed, defeated. 

Jaehyun was already tired of watching the same kind of sigh from people around him. He certainly didn’t need that. They put so little faith on him. 

"Why do you even need the file anyway?" Donghyun asked again, changing the topic. He was talking about the report of Jaehyun's accident. Something Jaehyun had wanted to look at for a while. 

"Do you bring it with you?" Jaehyun didn't try to hide his excitement. 

It'd be a total lie if he said he wasn't afraid. But he wasn't lying either when he felt extreme rush of adrenaline to find out what happened, to finally gain all of his memory. If he were being really honest with himself, perhaps he'd say it was the process that he enjoyed, he didn't really care about the truth. 

When Jaehyun grabbed the file from Donghyun, the inside of his brain was suddenly supplied with a lot of vague memories. "Sunbaenim, why did I chose to be a detective?" 

Donghyun contemplated for a while before giving him an answer, "It wasn't because we help people. It's very strange even for you. You said it yourself, 'Rather than being a good person, I want to work here because it's thrilling." 

"That's," Jaehyun mumbled at himself, looking at the file on his hand and then shifted to look at Donghyun properly in the eye, "as expected of me." A grin bloomed on his face. 

"By any chance," Jaehyun spoke again after making his senior feeling a little bit taken aback, "Did I come here a lot? It feels awfully familiar and I feel really comfortable for no reason… despite being totally not my style." He ended with a hushed whisper, not wanting any worker to hear him. 

Donghyun laughed quietly at his antic. "Jaehyun-ah, you really haven't changed at all." 

Jaehyun hoped that it was true.

+++

The files didn't trigger anything, much to Jaehyun's displeasure. As he locked himself inside the comfort of his room, he just read names, places, and a bunch of details that he really didn't care about. Not even the internet gave him any information. If he didn't look hard into it, he'd think the accident didn't happen at all. As it was a very insignificant case of hit and run. 

"But it's such a pity for Mr—" Jaehyun glanced at the file on his desk. "Mr. Kim Dongyoung?" 

Jaehyun felt his chair was moving slightly on its own. At first it was small movement but then it rattled, making loud sounds, eventually forcing Jaehyun to abandon it. 

"Finally." A voice appeared behind Jaehyun. He looked around to find his _Shadow_ watching him. 

Obviously, it wasn't an actual shadow. It was something in human-like form that was following him ever since he first opened his eyes. It was the same figure who was watching him in amusement as he had an awkward moment with his mother in the morning and the same thing that sat beside him on the vacant chair in the NeoCafe. It used to be so quiet and obedient—kind and never disturbed him. 

Guess, ghost's personality did change like typical people as well. 

"What _finally_?" Jaehyun asked after dismissing Mrs. Jung by assuring her that nothing was happening in his room. A slight lie, but he thought it was okay than having to explain the existence of this transparent thing in front of him.

"As in something final? I don't know, I've never looked it up in the dictionary." The damned ghost acted like he was actually answered his question seriously while he was doing the opposite. 

"Yeah, and what do _you_ mean by that?" Jaehyun tried to emphasize that he was not looking for dictionary definition. And really not up to any joke at the moment. 

"Wow," The ghost exclaimed in amusement, "You're _mad_." He pointed out unnecessarily. 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, hoping the gesture would deliver what was on his mind. It seemed like it did, because now the ghost looked insulted. 

"I mean you were calling my name. So, I kinda make a fuss about it." The ghost—whose name apparently was Kim Dongyoung—told him lazily, his hands were making incomprehensible grand gesture because he lacked the skill of proper explaining. "Nothing to be mad about—" 

"Wait," Jaehyun cut him off. He realized midway that there was a big key to his locked mind in front of him but the fucker thought it was nothing important. "You are Kim Dongyoung!?" 

"Yeah?" Dongyoung's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "I thought you knew. That's not why you called me then?" 

"No," Jaehyun took a step back, feeling offended. "Why would _I_ know _your_ name?" 

"I don't know." Dongyoung crossed his hand on his chest—trying to make himself look scarier that he actually was, which wasn't successful. He confronted Jaehyun with a determined look on his eyes. " _You_ called my name." 

Jaehyun grabbed the papers to shove them at Dongyoung's direction. "Well, this paper has your name on it. I was just reading." 

"Oh," Dongyoung's demeanor crumbled. His anger was totally replaced with an endearing embarrassed look. "I didn't consider that could be the case—" 

"Yeah, your fault." 

"Sorry, I guess. I wasn't watching properly this time—B-but it's not like I watch you for 24 hours. I'm obviously not a stalker. _Ha ha ha_." Dongyoung suddenly looked like he'd rather flee somewhere in the middle of the sea than standing here. 

Jaehyun would send him there if he could as well, the conversation was too weird for him. Especially coming from his Shadow who was literally stalking him for the past months. "Did you just pronounce a supposed-to-be-laugh?" 

"That's how _we_ laugh," Dongyoung's face was back to showing insulted look. 

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes. That was a lame excuse and who were _we_ that the ghost meant? Bunch of ghosts? Satans? Or worse, grim reapers? Jaehyun probably shouldn't be involved with supernatural being in that case, but he kind of need Dongyoung to bring his memories back, didn't he? 

"Are we done?" Doyoung shyly asked. He was pretty rich in expressions though, it changed to anger in one second and annoyed in another. "I'm going to stay quiet in the corner again, I guess. Why did you read my name out loud anyway? Disturbing my daily routine." 

"I said I was reading, didn't I?" Jaehyun tsked loudly in purpose to show contempt to the ghost. "It's not my fault your name is written in this car accident report, you know?" 

An uncomfortable dead silence made Jaehyun felt itchy. 

"Yeah," Dongyoung answered shortly, ending the silence. 

What was wrong this time? Why ghosts were so difficult to handle in the first place? 

"Oh," Jaehyun exclaimed. A realization hit him hard. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you remember about your… death." 

Dongyoung who was already sitting in the corner quietly—he really kept his words—only glanced at Jaehyun for a brief moment. Jaehyun thought it looked like hurt and hatred but it could be because he was just tired. 

"Ah, that's bad." Jaehyun could hear the whisper Dongyoung was letting out carefully. "That's really bad of you to remind me of the old scar." 

"I am really sorry," Jaehyun apologized sincerely. 

It didn't reach Dongyoung as the ghost sulked even more, "Please, don't bother me for a while."

+++

The first person Jaehyun saw was gentle and pretty. Jaehyun thought he was a family member. That was why he smiled at him when their eyes met for the first time. But, he walked away almost immediately, never returning Jaehyun's smile. So, Jaehyun corrected his memory. Maybe he wasn't a family member after all. 

By the time someone else came inside, he was already gone without a trace. Jaehyun thought the new person who came to Jaehyun looked more solid than the previous man. The new guy's built was unlike the appearance of mist-like body that the first person had. 

It took him seeing several more people to realize, that mist-like man was unordinary. 

Someone who called herself as Jaehyun's mother even said to Jaehyun, "Are you saying there are ghosts around here?" 

That was the first time Jaehyun had ever learnt the word ghost. But it felt like the description matched somehow. 

Jaehyun didn't really wait for Mist Man to come back, he even forgot about it. But he was still back after Jaehyun was able to walk properly again. Jaehyun reached for him without thinking, he pulled back his hand when he felt how cold Mist Man's skin was. 

Mist Man looked upset, and he left again. 

The third time Mist Man showed himself, Jaehyun already remembered many things from his past. He also learnt about his accident and that it was the reason he had to be hospitalized. 

He apologized to Mist Man and they made up. He also told Mist Man how he sometimes felt incredible familiarity to his surrounding without knowing why. He thought it was normal to feel like that, so he intentionally left out the fact that he also felt like they had been friends forever even though it was just the third time they meet each other. 

It was when Mrs. Jung visited him when Mist Man entered the room. Jaehyun didn't think much when he greeted him. But both Mist Man and Mrs. Jung jumped in shock. It looked like Mrs. Jung couldn't see him. 

"Are you still seeing ghosts?" Mrs. Jung asked with extra carefulness. She looked scared more than anything. 

Immediately, Jaehyun was reminded of the word ghost again. They said most people are scared of them, and they also got scared to the one who could see them. Ultimately, Jaehyun answered Mrs. Jung as he tried to pretend Mist Man was never there, "No, I was just talking with myself."

+++

Somehow, as the time passed by, Mist Man became a Shadow and Shadow became Dongyoung. Jaehyun called him shadow because he kept following him everywhere, but Shadow was decent enough not to follow him into the bathroom. 

Jaehyun guessed it was because Shadow was just shy. He sometimes see the way his red skin showed itself when Jaehyun came out naked from bathing. 

Like right now, his shyness was cute but Shadow still wouldn't talk to him because Jaehyun was a heartless dumbass who said wrong things. 

"Stop looking at me and wear your clothes!" Dongyoung slapped Jaehyun away when he walked near the ghost. 

"Finally, you talked," Jaehyun replied, completely not paying attention to what Dongyoung had said. 

"How could I not?" Dongyoung gritted his teeth as he talked back. His hands crossed in defense mechanism that Jaehyun started to notice. 

"Sorry…" Jaehyun got the code and decided to grab his hanged clothes, choosing the best one that would look good on him on his first day working. "Are you going to follow me to work?" 

"I'm _accompanying_ you to work." Dongyoung corrected. 

"Sure." Jaehyun paused buttoning his shirt, looking at Dongyoung once again. Wondering if they would talk with each other again when he was out of this room. 

But, Dongyoung looked away and Jaehyun thought he should finish dressing up soon. 

"It's not like you'd talk to me at work anyway." Jaehyun could hear the whisper Dongyoung was making as he was on his way out to eat breakfast.

+++

The walk to his desk was shorter as he entered his team's room, but it felt harder than when he had to walk from his home. He wasn't prepared after all, being on the spot knocked him some sense. 

"Jaehyun?" Dongyoung touched his shoulder. His eyes was worried sick when it met Jaehyun's. "Everything will be fine." 

What a weird thing, to be comforted by something almost unreal. 

"Jaehyun?" Another unfamiliar voice called to him. He looked up to see a face that matched Sicheng's picture on his file. "Welcome!" He gave Jaehyun a small smile. 

"Thanks, Sicheng." Jaehyun raised his hand awkwardly. A unprepared messy smile on his face. 

"We're partner." Sicheng added as he walked to his own desk. "In case you forgot." 

Jaehyun remembered, but not because of memory. It was because he studied every person in this room through the additional file that Donghyun had prepared. 

"You know it's really strange." Sicheng said when Jaehyun sat on his desk that was beside Sicheng's. "When I called you, it didn't feel like it was your name." 

Dumbfounded, Jaehyun cocked his head. "Huh?" 

"Nothing," Sicheng laughed it off, "It just, I don't want you to force yourself." 

Ah, that excuse again. People really did put so little faith on him. 

"I'm fine," Jaehyun said carefully, not wanting to sound like a dick. 

"It's not good to be rude to a colleague, Jaehyun." Dongyoung reminded him as well, as he sat on the corner of Jaehyun's desk comfortably. 

Jaehyun glared at him, not saying anything. 

"I know," Sicheng said, smiling. Jaehyun felt it was forced. 

A loud slam of the door made both of them jumped on their seats. There stood Seo Youngho and Donghyun walking together, chatting while bringing doughnuts and coffees. 

"Oh, hey, you're here!" Donghyun greeted cheerfully. It was funny considering he was so against Jaehyun coming back to work. "We bought snacks for you." 

Jaehyun wore a smile that didn't reach his face, "Thank you, Sunbaenim." 

Youngho and Sicheng immediately snapped their head to look at Donghyun funnily. Their face full of confusion. "Sunbaenim?" Youngho gripped Donghyun's shoulder. 

"Did he make you call him that?" Sicheng looked at Jaehyun as he spoke. Judging and disbelief clear on his face. 

"He's a sunbae, isn't he?" Jaehyun asked back. 

"You can call me Hyung, I guess," Donghyun said as he tried to move away from Youngho's grip. Well, it looked like it would crush a bone. 

Dongyoung looked overly worried at the action. Maybe, ghosts weren't violent in nature. "Stop him! He is kinda scary." Dongyoung whispered to Jaehyun, his eyes pleading. Jaehyun couldn't really answer the ghost so he just spoke to his team. 

"Okay, and you can stop crushing him… Hyung?" 

Sicheng laughed at the exchange, "I don't even call them Hyung—" 

"That's because you're rude," Youngho pouted. He walked to his desk taking all the coffee with him, Jaehyun guessed he should take his coffee on his own, Youngho wasn't going to serve him. "One day you're gonna work with another team and they'll teach you how to be kind." 

"Well, why don't you take your own advice, Youngho-ssi?" A strict person showed himself at the door, smiling menacingly that the whole team kept their mouth shut. It was Taeil, the team leader. "Well, Jaehyun, follow me outside." 

Jaehyun looked around, asking silently what was going to happen to him. Sicheng could only sent him a shrug and the others basically ignoring him like nothing happened. 

"Good luck," Dongyoung cheered for him. It wasn't helpful but needed to make himself feel better. So, he smiled back. 

He walked outside, following the leader's instruction and found himself in a small room with no one around. 

"Jaehyun," Taeil spoke first in the long quietness. "Donghyun gave you something to study before you come here, am I wrong?" 

"No, Sir." Jaehyun replied, a little bit shaken that someone else knew about the files. 

"Call me Taeil-hyung." The older finally smiled warmly. Jaehyun felt himself finally able to take a breath after suffocating for a while. "I'm proud that you're here but I need you to understand that this is not a simple matter. I've heard from your mother that you aren't in the condition to work again." 

"Hyung, I think I can do this much," Jaehyun stubbornly replied. Despite feeling totally lost in touch about his work and questioning himself the whole time he stood around his team. He still didn't want to go back, for unknown reasons that he thought wasn't really unknown. "I'm not weak."

Taeil sighed. Jaehyun noted that it wasn't a sad sigh nor a disappointed one. "It's not about weakness, Jaehyun."

"Then what, Sir—Hyung?" Jaehyun narrowed his eyebrows, determined he'd take a step further on his own.

"Are you really ready? I'll take your word, I won't question you again and I won't accept your excuse if you ever back down in the middle of it." Taeil grabbed Jaehyun's shoulder with his strong unforgiving hands.

"I'm ready, always." Jaehyun didn't think he was lying when he said it. He was just telling himself to prepare for his own battle, to face his reality, to find the truth about himself. He needed this and nothing would stop him, even his own fear.

Taeil hugged him as he tapped his back a little bit too forcefully. "Welcome back to the Violent Crimes Unit, Jung Jaehyun."

**Author's Note:**

> I originally planned this to be really short 10k-ish fic but somehow it became a really long and detailed story. So, I tried to cut this part as the beginning of the fics and release it. I'll definitely continue writing it as a really huge series, this will be an introduction before I do it. I'll update this fic when I do make the continuation.


End file.
